glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
