Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
