Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize