When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
