Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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