Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
