you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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