my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
