Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize