i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
