so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want to make out with him forever
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
