smell my finger.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
