you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
