wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
