saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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