Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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