I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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