He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
