my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
