its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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