Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
