My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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