how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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