Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
