So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
