okay pat passed out under dana's car
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
