my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
