Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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