the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this hospital has no fireball
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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