C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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