Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
