Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
