Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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