The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
third nipple confirmed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
