god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
