I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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