Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
