It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
