he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
