the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
