I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
