I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
