sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
