so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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