weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
