I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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