When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
