we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
