im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
