Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
