Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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