Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
