I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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