How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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