So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
