I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My feet surprised me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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