he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We named our party play list daddy issues
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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