i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize