all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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