she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
