I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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