Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
