So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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