We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
