are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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