I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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