my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So much rum. So many feels.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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